arcadiabritt

In Uncategorized on March 12, 2009 at 4:58 am

bullpenMan Attacks Chuck E. Cheese

Chuck E. Cheese can be a hazardous place to be a kid. 34-year-old Massachusetts man Trahan Pires was fined $500 after assaulting a Chuck E. Cheese mouse. Pires thought the mouse had pinned his 11-year-old son against a video game. The boy’s family was at the restaurant to celebrate his birthday. According to the 19-year-old man inside the costume and a witness, the mascot was making his way through a crowd that was trying to knock him over and accidentally knocked into the boy. Pires apparently thought differently and ripped the mascot’s head off and started screaming at the man inside. Pires pleaded guilty and was fined. Note to all parents: don’t take out your aggression on Chuck or any other mascots.

-Gina Merlino

Man Stoops Real Low, Cat Gets Real High

In a bizarre case of animal cruelty, a 20-year-old Nebraska man was charged with putting his girlfriend’s 6-month-old cat inside a bong. Acea Schomaker was caught smoking marijuana with a piece of garden hose attached to a plastic glass box where the kitten was stuffed inside. According to Schomaker, his cat, Shadow was hyper and he was trying to calm her down. He had done this three times. Schomaker was fined $400, cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty and face drug charges as well. Shadow was dazed, but in good condition, recuperating at Capital Humane Society. Maybe this is one guy who has seen too many stoner flicks, but it could be just another case of people doing stupid things when they are high. Note to stoners: kittens and bongs don’t mix.

-Gina Merlino

Crippled Man Smugles Cocains in Plain Sight

A 66-year-old Chilean man with a fractured leg is now in custody after trying to smuggle cocaine through an airport in Barcelona. After finding the man suspicious, authorities searched his luggage to discover the drug hidden in both a six pack of beer and the legs of a stool, but that’s not the only place it was hiding. After applying a substance which helps identify cocaine to the man’s cast, the supposed medical apparatus tested positive for the drug.

After further investigation it was discovered that the man’s leg was indeed fractured. However, police believe that he may have intentionally fractured the bones in order to apply the coke cast and fool authorities who may want to verify his condition by x-ray. Officials suspect that the man was using a leg cast hoping to elicit sympathy from airport authorities and distract them from the real contents of his cast.

The police recovered a total of 10.5 pounds of cocaine. The attempted cocaine smuggler, known only by the initials J.S.P.F., was relocated to a local hospital in order to receive proper treatment for his leg and remains there under police observation.

-Teresa Barone

Woman Celebrates her 108th Birthday… or 111th?

Michigan native Mattie Caldwell celebrated her birthday on March 5 but she’s just not quite sure which birthday she celebrated. According to medical records, she was born in 1901; however, an old family bible dates her birth three years earlier in 1898. Due to her home birth, there are no medical records that can indicate which date is actually correct. Regardless of the age “It’s special,” says the 100 something woman. Caldwell celebrated with her family, including her seven plus great-great-great-grandchildren (she lost count after seven).

-Teresa Barone

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